Kevin Davis — Live a Maxed-Out Life: Resilience, Relationships, and Real Growth

In 3, 2, 1.

Welcome back to the Becoming Preferred podcast.

In this episode, we're exploring what it truly takes to optimize performance without sacrificing the things that matter most.

Our guest today is Kevin Davis, entrepreneur, speaker and founder of Maxed Out Life.

Kevin's built and scaled businesses across tech, fitness, automotive and coaching.

But his approach isn't about working yourself into burnout.

Is about operational discipline, resilience under fire, and radical clarity.

Whether he's breaking down, how to turn personal setbacks into strategic strengths, or how to maintain full presence at home while running high stakes operations, Kevin brings a practical 0Bs framework for leading a high impact life.

If you're looking to scale your business, sharpen your leadership and maximize your potential across career and life, you're in the right place.

Please join me for my conversation with Kevin Davis.

Well, hi Kevin.

Welcome to the program.

We're delighted to have you.

Thank you so much.

Man, I cannot wait for this episode.

Now, where are we speaking to you from?

Where's home?

I'm here in Bozeman, Montana, outside of Bozeman.

You know, home of the Yellowstone show.

And I joke and say we don't kill nearly the many people that they do on the show.

But you don't go to the train station.

No, we do not.

Not in that way.

Although my wife does watch a lot of true crime.

So my friends have to do wellness checks on me all the.

So my wife does too.

I think we have a lot.

Your wife, Michelle.

My wife Beth, she loves the true crime things.

I think she's getting ideas and inspiration sometimes 100% and she knows how to dispose of the body.

But hey, we don't know what happened to him.

Yeah, just he's gone.

I don't know.

He, he went on, he took on his motorcycle out and he never came back.

Don't know.

That's right.

Well, I'm excited about talking about your, your book.

You've got an interesting title of the book I believe came out this summer and is now live How I Lost My Left Nut and Other Life Lessons and How to Live a Max out Life.

And it sounds kind of worse than it is.

And we're going to get into all of that.

But before we go there, our listeners always like to know how you got to be where you are.

So let's go back to high school.

You're in high school, you know, you're a sport, you're a normal kid.

Well, you probably weren't a normal kid because I know you started your first business at entrepreneur at 15.

But let's go back to where maybe that dream, what started that process, what made you think, hey, I got to start my own business.

And because I'm interested in the mindset that you had at that time and.

And then going through school, some of your choices to get Kevin where he is today.

Well, we could probably take a step back and go four or five years back.

I actually have won a very dysfunctional, like, trailer trash, you know, drug addicted mother, all that stuff.

And so I basically started raising myself at seven.

And a lot of people say that, but like, I literally.

She would disappear for 10 to 14 days at a time.

So I went to school on my own, found my own.

But I'm like, Kevin, the other Kevin from Christmas or from the, you know, Christmas vacate.

What was it?

Yeah, Home alone.

Yeah.

So from Home Alone, he's going grocery shopping is all that stuff.

And so that was kind of.

Yeah.

Macaulay Culkin.

So that was kind of me whenever I was in that seven, eight years old range.

And.

And so I almost call it the entrepreneurial approach to survival or to life.

Because you're dealing with failure, you're solving problems, you're figuring out what to do, and you're just g S D. Right.

Getting crap done.

And so that kind of became my life.

And eventually I ended up.

I could choose where I wanted to live.

In Texas at that time, where we lived, you could literally, like, the mom always got custody, but then at 12, you get to go and choose.

So I went, went to live with my dad and stepmother, which was like the best of two bad worlds, but started working.

I did my first application when I was 14, and when I'm 15, I said, Hey, I could make more money in the summertime.

So I started a landscaping business.

I couldn't drive yet, and so I hired high school kids that had licenses.

To work for me.

And so that began my kind of entrepreneurial journey.

And it also created a little bit of issues which are part of my story also, which is too much work and workaholism and escapism.

Well, that's.

Well, I think we had a similar foundation.

I remember renting a rototiller when I was about 12 for 50 bucks a week.

Then going around to all the neighbors and rototillering their gardens for 10 bucks.

Nice.

And I could make 50 bucks a day and then turn back the equipment again.

So I never had any capital to put out in the equipment.

But I totally get it.

So that makes it.

Well, that's interesting.

So now you're going to university.

What was the dream?

Yeah, so we were fortunate.

I lived in Stillwater, which is where Oklahoma State is, and we got to do concurrent enrollment.

So I actually took one class my senior year of high school in high school and I took 17 hours in college.

So I took a full load in college.

I was able to kind of go down that road.

I'm always been interested in fitness.

So I actually have two degrees.

I have one in business and one in exercise physiology.

And then after college began my career and ran health clubs.

I was a personal trainer and got my first club at 21, which was a 51,000 square feet, $10 million health club.

So they gave this kid, you know, I was the operations manager.

So I ran the whole club.

And so that was an interesting kind of point in my life.

And, and if anybody knows anything about the fitness industry, your Life is basically 5am to 9am, 11 to 1 and 5pm to 9pm, which does not work.

You know, to try to raise a family.

We started having our first kid and I went to work for a dot com company in the fitness industry and software.

Wow.

Well, that's.

Well, you've been doing it for, like I say, over 30 years.

So let's kind of get into it.

The title of your book is really interesting.

It's How I My Left Nut and other Life Lessons.

How to Live a Maxed Out Life.

Let's talk about the left Nut because I think it's in your book Life Lessons.

You candidly write about surviving a major motorcycle accident and turning the experience into a lesson in resilience.

I want to hear about that.

But how can high performing leaders apply that mindset when an unexpected business crisis threatens to derail them?

Well, I mean, I think that it's funny, you know, this is my personality.

The title of the book is My Personality.

I'm always looking to have fun.

I do keynotes about life is supposed to be fun.

We can talk more about that.

But for me, anything that has happened, and the book is really 17 crazy stories about what has happened in our life out of probably thousands.

Like just the craziest stuff happens to us, good and bad.

And I always look for the opportunity to have fun and see whether or not I can make, you know, the whole cliche, which is lemons out of.

Or lemonade out of lemons.

Right.

And, and that's kind of my attitude.

I'm just so adaptive and I think part of it is my upbringing or black thereof.

But taking something like the motorcycle accident, one of the funniest parts of that story is, and I don't even know that I wrote about it, but it is that it's a very rare injury.

So to have.

I fractured my left testicle, if, you know, spoil, spoiler, spoiler alert.

But I did leave a dent in the gas tank.

So explain the physics of that.

Yeah, but it's a rare injury, so all of the interns and the new doctors and all that wanted to see this injury.

So, you know, and so like my wife was like, would you please stop showing people your private parts?

Because I would just be like, hey, can we see this?

There's like 15, 20 year old and, you know, 25 year old interns and I'm lifting up my gown and the workaholic aspect comes in because I actually went to work like three days later, I had a ice pack diaper on, and I was sitting in my office.

But the whole thing is, it was, it was such a crazy experience.

But my next thought was, okay, well, I wrecked my motorcycle.

What parts do I need to rebuild it?

So I bought all the parts I needed, I rebuild it, I sold it for a profit.

And so that to me is a big part of that resilience that you're always looking for.

Opportunities to turn whatever's happening into a positive.

Yeah, well, like you said, it's making lemonade out of lemons.

And when we look at things in their moment, what we're lacking, I think, is perspective, don't you think?

Like, we need time and distance to know whether this was a good thing or whether this was a bad thing.

In the moments we look at it go, this is terrible.

But then had that not happened, this, you know, the pandemic comes to mind.

I remember As a speaker, 2020, everything canceled, right?

Everything canceled.

We lost our other people.

It was great for them.

For speakers, it was terrible.

And I was recession proof as a speaker because I focus on generating revenue.

That's what our whole revenue enablement and becoming preferred.

But I wasn't, I wasn't pandemic proof.

And all of a sudden we had to look at solutions again in which we could rebuild our business and take from what.

So we started teaching people how to do zoom meetings, how to, and it created presentation skills, then it created and it went on from there to create software.

So I agree with you.

It's.

I think it's that mindset where other people, maybe that's the end of the road for them.

They find a bottle somewhere or, hey, their careers are over.

And that's how they identify.

So I think that makes good sense.

On the mindset part, let's talk about the mechanics of what you call active presence and engagement.

And so in you, you talk about the danger of being physically present but mentally checked out.

So training real connection for workplace productivity.

So for driven executives, what practical habits ensure that they remain engaged at home but without sacrificing their professional momentum?

Well, and part of that for me is that I think work life balance is a myth.

It's just shifting.

It's just shifting of priorities.

Right.

And it's one of the problems that we have, and myself included, back early in my career, is it's hard to have those priorities set straight.

And I think one of the things about making sure that you stay is just being very mindful about what role you're in at any given time.

You know, you want to be the best husband and father that you can be at home.

You want to be the best executive entrepreneur, whatever, when you're at work.

And those things in many ways need a separation and sometimes even mental separation.

And I use this thing called the threshold method for myself.

And I also teach my coaching clients the same thing.

When you get to that threshold of your door going from the garage or from outside going into your home, take 30 seconds, actually mentally or physically change your hat if you wear hats.

But you're now shifting from the role of, I've been at work all day, I'm talking about KPIs and all that kind of stuff.

And now I'm going to be husband and father.

And that's a different kind of thing.

I don't use the phrase, hey, honey, what's the KPI on raising our kids?

Like, I don't do that.

So, like, you have to turn that language.

Your language is different.

Your accountant is different, Your mentality is different.

And I think that's just as an example, one of the ways that we can stay fully engaged.

I mean, keep your phone either in the car or somewhere.

You don't need it.

Almost never is there something happening at 7pm you know, caveats included that can't wait till tomorrow morning.

You know, I just, I've got four businesses, I have eight brands.

I run consulting and coaching.

And, you know, all of the stuff that I do, and I find that over 30 years, I can, I can turn those things on.

No, I admire that.

That's something I need to read about.

It's having those, those boundaries and creating those boundaries for yourself, I think, and I, and I agree with you on the work life balance.

It's a.

It's funny you use the term hats.

I always say there's three hats we wear.

There's our boyfriend, girlfriend hat, which was.

My wife and I, that was our first relationship, was boyfriend, girlfriend.

Then it was husband and wife hat.

We have that hat on.

And then the third hat is mom and dad hat.

And now we probably added a fourth hat, which is nana and papa hat.

And now the grandbabies are coming, and so I have to shift gears.

And for me, it isn't mentally shifting gears.

I have to actually, where am I at, what I'm doing?

What's my role?

What should I be doing now?

What were the.

Some of the symptoms?

Because you weren't always this way.

You had the motorcycle event, of course that happened.

You're newly married, where there's some symptoms, some warning signs, some fear of God coming from Michelle that, hey, I know you can fix motorcycles now.

You need to revive this as well.

Yeah, Yeah.

I mean, really, like in.

In the book, I tell this story, and it's.

It's not a happy story for me to tell, except for it's got a happy ending that continues to be happy.

But when I went to work for the dot com company and I helped grow it from 18 to over 300 employees, the money was flowing like milk and honey.

You know, that whole time period was.

Was crazy.

But I was responsible for.

I did corporate training at the time and some operations stuff.

And.

And at the time, I was responsible.

And this was in Connecticut, but I was responsible for everything west of the Mississippi, which is a lot of territory.

I used to wake up back in the day when they had yellow pages in the hotel room.

It's like, all right, what town am I in?

Like, I don't even know where I'm at.

So six days a week travel, and I just kind of abandoned my family.

But the.

The hardest part of that story for me to tell is that I was really good at my job, but had no idea how to be a dad or a husband.

And so Tony Robbins talks about leaving, you know, seeking pleasure and.

And avoiding pain.

And that's essentially what I think, many of us, myself included, which is I had the pain and struggle and frustration of being a new dad and new husband, but I was really freaking good at my job, and everybody told me how good I was at my job.

So it was success and dopamine.

And we weren't talking about dopamine back in the 90s, but that was essentially what happened.

And so my wife, she was like, hey, I'VE got my stuff packed.

Would you like to continue to be married?

And.

And it was crazy.

And for me, it was a God given epiphany moment where I was, I.

They talk about turning a 180 and I don't know anyone that has had that experience as strongly as I did.

Like, I instantly, it's like my whole life flashed before my eyes and I saw my failures and I.

But as an entrepreneur, I'm like, all right, find the problem, fix the problem.

And I did.

And honestly, it's a crazy story because I ended up getting everything I wanted.

I got my cake and got to eat it too, which is my wife and family.

But then I got a promotion at work and got to have more responsibility with no travel.

It's a crazy story, but that essentially is my story.

It's like, all right, well, now how do I teach men of all ages, even younger guys especially, like, how do you go through things like that and how do you set those priorities?

You mentioned before that you got married at 22 with your first marriage.

And we got married at 21 and 22.

And we've grown up together.

Yeah.

So, you know, there was a certain time when we crossed that threshold where we've been together longer than we were apart in our lives.

But it took work, right?

It's been constant work over the years.

Yeah, I think it does work, and it's because you're both evolving.

And what's interesting is you've, you've been evolving.

And I see women evolving.

They're.

They're always trying to make themselves better.

And I don't see that with men so much.

I see certain men doing it.

You know, they're growing and that.

But why are they doing that?

Why are they evolving and other people that don't?

So when it comes to workplace pressure and burnout, what were some of the warning signs or what are some of the warning signs that indicate whether an executive may be overextending and how they should navigate that conversation with their partners?

Well, to me, I think it's easy as long as you're self aware in terms of yourself.

Like, you know, you're 30.

The way we say it is you're crushing it at work.

Right.

Your business is going well, everything's going good.

You sleep like crap, you eat like crap, you look like crap, you feel like crap.

Right.

Like, take any of those or all of those and put them together and then you like that is a sense if you can no longer of your feet whenever you stand up to Go pee.

Then that's a problem.

Right.

Like this.

Let.

Yeah, let's.

And in Oklahoma, we use other language for that, but we'll just use.

We'll just use feet.

And so, you know, if you really just sit and think about whether or not you're living your optimized or maxed out life, as we call it, you know that that's true.

And you're just unwilling to admit it usually.

And then.

Because that requires change.

Yeah.

And I look at both our, our lives, our health, our fitness, our mindset, all of those things are.

If we treated those the same way we treat our business, we'd be fully optimized.

Marriage is the same way in terms of like, all right, if there's a problem, we work through it, we figure out a solution to make it better.

And you know, at home, the conversations are really easy.

It's quiet at dinner, you're on your phone, she's on her phone, the kids are on their phones.

She's more irritated with you or you're more irritated with her.

You're not growing.

You don't have date nights, you don't have intimacy, you haven't had sex in three months or your sex life is, you know, terrible or ho hum or whatever.

Like it's all these symptoms, you know, if I said, well, what's it like to have cancer?

And you could list all the symptoms.

Right.

Your life, burnout and being out of priority is a big one.

Yeah.

I think the best version of you ought to show up.

If the best version of you is showing up at any given time, then that synergy that comes from those relationships, I think are powerful.

Well, and you talk about applying grace and partnership in professional relationships.

So a key pillar of your work with couples is the concept of sending grace rather than keeping score.

I want to unpack that because I think there's some insights that would be useful.

How can entrepreneurs and business leaders apply the same principle as well to build stronger, more resilient workplace relationships?

So let's start on the personal side and unpack that.

Sending grace rather than keeping score.

And then how do we apply that in the workforce?

Well, I think really on both of them, it's having a servant, servant leadership, heart, which is a lot what we.

True.

Because if I'm serving other people, there is no quid pro quo.

And so in your relationship, I mean, unless you're only married for a couple of years as you go along, if you're keeping score, that score gets crazy over time.

I mean, I've been married for 31 years.

I've been together with my wife for 33.

And the scorecard would be immeasurable.

Like, of all if, if we kept all the stupid, I mean, just my side, all the stupid crap that I say on a regular basis or dumb things that I do or, you know, half hearted comments or just not being engaged or all of those things, the scorecard gets out of, out of control really quickly.

Whereas if I then look at the positives and I look at things like how can I serve my wife in the best way possible?

I use this phrase called getting your PhD and it works for husbands or wives, but it's pursuing her or pursuing his desires.

And what I mean by it's getting your doctorate, right?

Like, it's, it's the maximum education that you can get.

But it really is a matter of how do I know her almost better than she knows herself.

Because then if I know her, I'm not keeping score.

I'm constantly learning about her.

And you mentioned, you mentioned basically, you know, men not really trying to grow themselves over time and how women typically do more.

My wife is a welder, she's a boxer, she builds race cars, she does, you know, all this different stuff.

And she was talking yesterday about, I just have too many things I want to learn.

I feel like I'm kind of racing, racing to learn all these things at one time.

But I think it's the same way whenever you look at business and entrepreneurship and work relationships.

I teach about networking events.

And so if you go to a networking event, most of us do this thing where it's like, hey, Mike, nice to meet you.

Tell me what you do.

And then while you're telling me all I'm doing is trying to figure out a way that I can tell you what I am and what I do and how cool I am.

Right.

Like, try to get that angle.

Because we're narcissists at the core.

We're all narcissists.

We're all ego driven, you know, yeah, it's all about me.

But if I say, okay, how can I possibly serve Mike and Michael in this, in this conversation?

And I look for those opportunities, if you're saying, hey, I do this, I do public, I do keynote speak, hey, I, I know a couple of guys that help companies find speakers for their events.

Like, how can I connect you?

How can I hook you up?

So that changes the dynamic and it changes the whole vibe because there's no quid pro quo.

Like, you may ask me what I'm doing and you may reciprocate, but the intention.

That's not my intention.

My intention is to be a servant to you as a person and see how I can help you do more in what you're doing and have a greater.

No, that's, that's powerful and it's coming from contribution, what you're saying versus what's in it for me?

What can I take out of this?

Where most people go in there and go from a self serving perspective.

You know, it's interesting you say it that way.

I have a mantra I use when I'm speaking to get me into the same space and it's six words.

Heal the space, heal the room.

And the space is around me.

It's with you and me right now.

And then the room is the room but without attachment.

That the room or the space needs healing.

But what it does is it puts me into a servitude mode to where I'm going.

You know what, there's people in this audience tonight that are.

I've lost someone this week.

There's people in this audience that are going through a tough time.

They're in a bad marriage, their work, they're worried, they're scared if there's something I can do to reach out to them and it puts me into hey, I'm not the best thing since sliced bread mode, into more of a servitude mode and to give to it.

So I take that same approach and it changes the vibe and the receiving end of it is good.

The connections with the audiences are better, the authenticity is better, the flow is better.

And I think that's what you're saying is when we go into situation and even as a leadership role we should be going into it from how can I help serve my employee?

How can I serve my team?

How can I?

And I think it's a nice approach or even serving our partner and our children.

So terrific, terrific insight.

Are you tired of chasing leads and ready to start effortlessly attracting more high value clients in life?

Your introducing Rainmaker Lead Gen, the ultimate sales, engagement and client acquisition platform that takes the stress out of outreach.

With Rainmaker Lead Gen, you can easily identify, engage, educate and convert your ideal prospects into loyal clients.

Our industry leading automation and email sequencing empowers you to reach more ideal clients, accelerate the sales cycle and close more business business.

Imagine authentically engaging with your prospects while the platform handles the heavy lifting.

Say goodbye to the endless hustle and embrace a more efficient, effective approach to business development.

Ready to witness the magic.

Book a 20 minute demo today and See how Rainmaker Lead Gen can revolutionize and level up your client acquisition game.

There's nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Don't miss out on this opportunity to supercharge your client acquisition process.

Visit rainmakerdigitalsolutions.com or check out the link in the show notes to book your demo.

Rainmaker Lead Gen.

Spend less time hunting for your ideal clients and more time having high value sales conversations with your ideal clients.

And now back to my conversation with Kevin Davis.

So let's talk about building intentionality for the next generation.

So in your book How I Lost my Left Nut, you detailed your commitment to creating stability and presence for your daughters.

How can busy working parents balance high stake careers with building a lasting family legacy?

Well, this is an unpopular opinion.

You know, you see those on Instagram And Facebook and TikTok, you know the unpopular opinion and it'll give you the thing which is make your marriage a higher priority than anything else.

And people don't like that a lot of times, especially women.

Moms typically don't like to hear that.

But I, I have anecdotal and proof for my own life and proof that I've of a lot of people that I've worked with and a lot of people I've talked to that have successful relationships, especially if you make the kids the priority.

They're gone at 17 or 18 years and then what are you left with?

You haven't, you haven't built a marriage.

You're not really, you know, you spend too much time thinking about them and, and all that.

And it's happening right now.

So we're in, you know, in mid September.

Right.

And so all you see on social media, all these people lamenting about how their kids have left home and are going to college.

I don't know how I'm going to do it.

And we've dealt with a lot of couples in that, in that time frame.

And it's usually that's when a lot of divorces happen.

Even statistically that 18 to 20, 22 years because they look at their spouse and they're like, I don't know what we do.

Like, can we talk about the kids now and what they're doing in college and university.

For Michelle and I, dude, it's empty.

Nesting is the most awesome thing ever.

I hear you.

I joke and say I hardly wear pants now.

Like it's, you know, I mean, but, but it really.

Because we had spent all those years.

Yeah.

Developing our one to one relationship and I used to joke with my Girls and say, I'll make two more that look just like you.

You don't mess with your.

Don't mess with my wife.

And I want to make that distinction because I never use that phrase.

I almost accidentally did, but I never used the phrase, don't talk to your mother that way.

It's.

You don't talk to my wife that way.

Which.

Which changes that dynamic between the two, because I will absolutely go off on you if you.

And this is my kids or anybody else in the world.

But I have in the book, there's a copy of a text that my youngest sent me, and she was probably in her early 20s at the.

But she essentially said, I loved and felt so much peace and comfort knowing that we weren't number one, that mom was more important, because unlike so many of our friends, we knew 100% that that was solid.

Yeah.

So it has this.

And this is what people don't understand is, like, you provide this foundation where the kids.

The world does not revolve around your children.

You know, and we can.

We could talk about narcissism and kids and, you know, like, you know, all that stuff too.

But that's.

That' definitely a big one.

I understand the mother's instincts and the kids.

So it's.

They always have to balance everything.

And, you know, I'm reminded of that saying that, you know, they were interviewing Ginger Rogers.

What's it like being one of the greatest dancers of all time?

And.

And she says to the person interviewing her, and she says, well, I have to do everything he does, but backwards and in heels.

And so I love that.

So it's.

It's kind of.

They're juggling all these balls.

They're exhausted.

They've had kids all day, you know, dealing with lunches, maybe little toddlers.

And then all of a sudden, in walks, boy has different expectations or whatever, and she's exhausted.

So I think it requires communication, but to your point, by making time, helping out with the chores, doing those things, not waiting for her to do everything, take care of it, make some space and create some space for dialogue, communication, and sometimes just connecting.

I think that can go a long way, don't you?

Yeah, for sure.

I actually refer to my wife as my bride, typically, or hot wife, smoke show, which is her name, name in my phone.

But I also do something interesting.

You know, if I look over to my right in office here, there's a picture of my wife, my bride, when she was about 8 years old, and she's holding this little fish, and she's innocent and all that.

And so I actually put that up there because I need to remember that there's a little girl inside of her.

That's right.

And would I talk to that little girl in a mean way, or would I do everything I can to care for her and to make sure her needs are met?

And so that's, for me, it's a.

It's a mental and visual reminder.

But I think I love the girlfriend boyfriend thing because we date.

We're supposed to date.

And.

And why do men or women.

Both.

Why do you stop doing the things that you did in order to woo that person?

And I. I asked the question.

I'm usually, I'm kind of a stab you in your face kind of coach, but I'm like, would your wife marry you again if you acted the way that you do right now?

And most of the time it's no.

And so.

All right, well, let's change those actions.

Let's do something different.

Well, let's talk about doing something different.

Let's say we've got listeners both sides of the fence.

We've got mal.

Females.

We got couples and people in relationships, and they're going, hey, we're stuck.

We maybe need some help or what can we do?

What should be some of the first steps that maybe he can take and what sort of some of the things that maybe she could take?

You know, I use this in a lot of different ways, but we all come to these points in our lives and sometimes multiple lives.

I use it in context of fitness a lot of times, but it works in marriage as well, which is that's enough of this shit moments, right?

Like, you just are like, all right, you have to decide that this, what we call is a mediocre marriage.

Like, you're just tired of having mediocrity or marginal marriage or whatever you want to call it.

And so you have to then, especially business people, whether your wife, you know, or a husband, you have to take steps and take deliberate action to fix the things.

And a lot of times it's the first step.

And some of the hardest steps that we take are just having the hard conversations, you know, And.

And, you know, we use it in with sexual relationships a lot.

It's like, all right, well, your wife hates having sex with you and she's hated it for 20 years, and you have no idea why.

And you think you're great.

You're probably not.

So find out.

Like, I did a video that said you're not as good as a lover as you think you Are.

And it's true for all of us, which is like, how can I serve you better in that way?

But then, how can I serve you better in our every day?

And Dan Martell talks about this a lot with his wife Renee.

He will ask her once a week, how can I show up better for you as a husband.

Husband and vice versa.

How can I show up better for you as a wife this week based on what I did last week?

And really, it's like, all right, well, these are some struggles I had with you last week.

And I think if you worked through some of those things and we could do that.

But it really is.

It's so easy just to exist for a long, long time before at the end of the day, you say, that's.

You can say, that's enough of this crap and take two choices.

Right.

You got two paths.

Yeah.

Fix it.

Well, three.

Fix it, be miserable, or end it.

End it.

And I like the first one.

That's my favorite.

Absolutely.

Well, 50% of the time, the first one fails.

Second marriages fail 70% of the time.

And the third one's actually, it's 30% success rate.

Or I think everyone's just so broke, they're just.

They're going to stick it out.

Right, Right.

Broke or broken?

Probably both.

Yeah, exactly.

And I think you're right.

And it's being able to talk and be vulnerable and being open and.

And you know what?

I think communication, like my wife says it best.

She goes, you know, we're a team.

We're business partners.

There's times I want to, you know, I know my teammate wants to Batman punch me and just, you know, and bite your tongue.

And there's times I'm angry or mad as well.

But we have our roles.

We have our departments.

We've worked together for 30 years, and people say, how do you make that one work?

Well, we have our departments.

So, like, for instance, grocery shopping and cooking.

That's one of my roles.

That's a role.

She doesn't like doing it.

I love doing it, so it's good.

She loves fixing, repairing things.

She's, you know, bought her a big, beautiful workbench one year for Christmas with all the tools.

And it's not uncommon for me to go out into the garage and go, honey, come on, let's go.

Dinner, five minutes, please.

You know, and so we got a bit of a reversal, but she.

She loves that kind of thing.

And, you know, we show appreciation, and then we try and do things for each other.

So for as long as we've been together, just simple little things, even if we're kind of bugged.

And I, you know, I learned this and I'll just tell you.

When I was in.

I was living in the.

In the barrier.

I had a roommate and this guy, I didn't pick him, but he was my roommate living in Northern California.

And he was the most annoying guy ever.

He was just.

He was just so annoying.

And I just wanted to punch him.

Every time I saw him, just looking at him, I wanted to punch him.

And I didn't, but it's.

And then one day I thought, yeah, you know what?

And I went into his closet, this is to your point, And I took out his shoes and I shined all his shoes for him.

Well, the next day, mine were all done and he did mine and just that simple act.

We actually became friends almost instantly.

It was almost like all the nonsense went away and boom.

And it just worked that way.

So like with my wife, I might be annoyed or bugged or she might be annoyed or bugged with me or part somebody work or dealing with an issue or whatever it is, but I always put toothpaste on her toothbrush every night.

Nice.

And you know, those types of things, just those little things that, hey, I'm thinking of you, or she loves chocolate.

I think that's how I got her in the first place.

So, you know, I wore with chocolate, really good chocolate.

And that's.

Give her her fix and she's smiling, happy.

You know, we always have a nice piece of chocolate.

Chocolate.

But I think it's doing something and it's giving of yourself, even when you don't feel like it.

And I think that's the hard part.

I think that's the part you're talking about with Grace.

So I think like you said, communication.

Let's talk about the role of fitness in there.

Because this.

I was in that trap where, like, I'm in my.

Well into my 60s now, but I work out five, six times a week.

I work on strength, I do work on my heart, but I didn't always.

Matter of fact, when I was 50, that's kind of when, oh, you know, my blood pressure is getting high.

I'm getting that.

That what you were talking about, you know, got that little dad bod going.

And I thought, okay, I gotta get hold of this and get a grip of this.

So I started working out and building the habit.

I walked for 14 months.

I walked five miles a day.

Never missed a day, right?

And today I still, I've already walked this morning.

5:15.

I do three miles every day and then I'll do spin class.

What do you recommend for somebody who's feeling stuck?

Maybe what's a good place to start?

You know, hey, I can start doing this, start building habits.

Because it's really about.

About.

I don't even think it's about discipline.

I think it's about habits and building some proper habits.

What should someone start today to and how does that impact that spiritual, mental, you know, well, being as well?

Well, I, you know, one of my buddies says it takes 66 days to build a new habit.

Right.

That's what they say, you know, and, and there's always been this thing and I get a little bit unpopular, but it's like, just do something and do that for your rest of your life.

I say just do something until it becomes a habit and then do more, you know, because being fit, especially as you get older, is hard.

And I think that we have this little bit of a lie to where tell people, like, if you just get up and walk, you know, 10 minutes a day, you're going to be health, you know, you'll be healthier than you would if you didn't.

But you need to get in the weight room.

You need to actually do cardio.

You need to actually have flexibility.

Like it's, you know, I spend, Michelle and I, we block out our calendar till 9am every day.

And so we work out every single day and we do weights four days a week.

Week.

I'm a, I love lifting heavy things.

And if you're a woman listening to this, I don't care what age you are, get in the weight room.

Do not listen to anyone that tells you that cardio is fine.

My wife is right in that perimenopause stage and she lifts.

She's got more muscle now than she's had in her whole life.

And that's the secret to longevity.

But if you're a person that's like, I just feel like crap, I don't know what to do.

Start with small changes.

First of all, good sleep habits are good.

There's a, you know, know, don't eat within a couple hours of going to bed.

Turn off anything that uses your brain within about an hour and then use blue, blah, you know, no phones, blue blockers, those kind of things to kind of help with those and set good hygiene.

And so that's one getting whatever.

So for me, for my wife, it's nine to 10 hours.

She.

Women typically need more sleep than men.

Yeah, my wife's in that Camp too.

Yeah, And I'm usually, I do really well at like seven and a half, but typically get around seven.

So I work really hard to get that, that.

But it just makes a huge difference.

And then, you know, again, going after walks, one really easy thing to do is do a 10 minute walk after every meal.

It helps with glycogen use and insulin sensitivity and digestion and, and it just helps you feel better and it kind of re.

Energizes you and then begin to increase it.

Get in the weight room, get.

If you have no idea what you're doing, just get a trainer.

And you don't have to have a trainer for the rest of your life.

Invest in a trainer.

One of the ways that I used to do it as a trainer is I would come in, set up your new program for you, we'd meet for a couple of weeks and then you go do your thing.

And 12 to 16 weeks later, blather, rinse, repeat, like, let's see where you are.

I can answer questions in between.

Getting a trainer is really important if you don't know what you're doing.

Like if you, if you've been, if you were a high school athlete, kind of unlearn some of those things, but you can get in and you know the basics about it.

But weight training is a big one.

But start somewhere and you don't have to do everything at once.

You don't have to go run a mile, do weight training, do cold plunge, do sauna, do all the things that people do.

It's just a matter of starting and doing something.

A buddy of mine talks about, like if you're a guy that eats McDonald's five days a week, you don't have to stop eating McDonald's like for the next two weeks, just eat four days a week and then two days a week and then one day and then yeah, occasionally.

And that's just a really extreme example.

But, but that's, that's.

Oh, it's good.

Examples that we used to, you know, years ago, we'd kill a bottle of wine.

We're up in the Canadian office and it gets cold in the winter.

We kill a bottle of wine every night, Just sit down, relax, have a bottle of wine.

And so the one day we went sugar, we thought, let's go sugar free for 30 days.

Which meant no wine.

No wine.

Yeah.

Well, I, without changing a thing a lot, 12 pounds came up.

Both we just went, whoa.

And so that changed that dynamic right away.

And we just, we never got, got, went back to that so we might, on a Friday or Saturday night, if we're out for dinner, might have a glass of wine or something and enjoy that.

And we enjoy it, but it's not a daily occurrence anymore.

And so to your point.

Yeah.

To do that, let's.

Let's kind of just kind of wrap around building that foundation and why they all work together.

So you've got the.

As business owners, as entrepreneurs, as business executives.

Like you said, there's no real balance to it.

So it's like if you're feeling like you're in a broken place or things just aren't right, or you're just.

You're just not happy because we ought to be happy.

You know, you want that rudder on your boat.

What's a good place to start?

What's.

Is there, hey, do this first and then the rest.

Come on.

Is there one of those dynamics that's more important than others?

I think one of them is just that self awareness.

And, you know, back in the day, we used to say, if you want to know where you spend your money or, you know, all that, look at your checkbook.

And now we.

Now we don't use checkbooks.

But I use that in terms of time spent.

So if I ask most men, what are your top three priorities?

They'll say, you know, my wife, my family, God, my business.

I'm like, all right, cool.

Well, let's look at your calendar for the last two weeks and see if that's true.

And you can do this on your own.

And you have to take the no BS approach.

Right.

You do not justify it.

Just look at your calendar and tell me or tell yourself, are the priorities that I say or should be there?

Are they there?

And you're like, well, I haven't had a date night with my wife in six months or my husband in six months.

I've been working till 8 or 9pm every night.

I'm on my phone at midnight.

You know, all of those things, right.

You can.

You can take that.

And so that's the first thing.

And most of us, like, I don't think anyone listening to this would be like, oh, yeah, I'm totally in line and everything is great.

I mean, even.

Even someone that takes a lot of deliberate action, There are times in my calendar right now that I can say, okay, I need.

I need to work through that and make that better.

And then it's a matter of like, okay, well, whatever the biggest priority is and what I'm supposed to be doing, let's take and put those in action.

And for most of us husbands and wives, it's just a date night.

Do a date night once a week at least.

And it's easy.

In the show notes we can.

I have this thing called the activated marriage toolkit.

So we'll give it.

And it actually has 101 date night ideas and 101 conversation starters for free.

So you guys can use those and no excuses, right?

Just make one.

Make a date night for that.

The other big thing that I do is I do and you know, it's a little woo.

But these gratitude journals.

Yeah, no.

And so I literally every morning just get up for 10 minutes and do a gratitude journal journal.

And it's literally just.

I'm grateful for this.

I'm grateful for this.

I'm grateful for this.

A trick that my buddy taught me is being grateful for things that haven't happened yet.

In other words, I have, I have a vision to where I want to officiate my daughter's wedding.

I've done some officiating in the past and so actually say, okay, I'm, I'm grateful to be standing at the altar with my daughter, marrying her to this, you know, this man.

And she has a, A kind of a pseudo fiance now.

They aren't fully engaged yet.

And so like that's one thing I have revenue goals that I write.

Okay, thank you.

For my first, you know, seven plus figure year.

What, whatever these numbers are.

And you know, do the same thing for your wife, but then.

Or your relationship.

And for me, what I will do is sometimes I'll just take a full day and I write usually two pages and in a little moleskin or whatever.

Yep, yep.

And I'll just do it fully about one topic.

Like for my spouse, you know, I'll write all these things.

I'm grateful for her, but I actually did that one year.

And this is a cool trick trick for either of you.

I used to take 3 by 5.

I took a year of 3 by 5 notebook card or note cards and I wrote something I love about her on those.

And then I actually taped them around her vanity in her.

We have a big master bathroom, but around that and at the end of the year, so imagine she walks in, it's just all these cards, 300 plus cards that, that say how much like things that I specifically love her about.

And then I put it in the book at the end of the year for Christmas, one of those like Shutter, Shutterfly or something like that.

So I designed the book and put that out there.

But that gratitude aspect, you can't be pissed off and be grateful at the same time.

It's just mentally impossible.

So that's a, that's a big thing is starting that gratitude.

Part of it is.

Well, it's the two brains, right?

Your amygdala is that fight or flight.

You're pissed off, you're angry, you're fighting.

And the, your prefrontal cortex, you're thinking, you're reasoning and you're showing appreciation.

You actually have to ask yourself that question.

You know, I totally get the.

What makes me laugh is some of the similarities are the journey we go through.

I have a habit sometimes of not closing all the drawers in our bedroom like I do that.

And my wife will say to me, she'll go hey, you're going to the gym today.

And she asked work on that exercise worth your index finger there, that one, that muscle where you can, if you, if you don't mind.

And so we laugh.

Well, one day I was going out of town for about five days and while she was gone, I opened up all these drawers, all the cupboards, all in the.

I don't.

All at different levels but I put a post it note on each one with a message about her, something about her and appreciate.

So to your point of the, you know, hundreds of them and I had all these.

So you walked into the bedroom and the post it notes everywhere.

She survived four days like that.

She said it was the hardest thing ever, but she loved it and she kept the notes.

So that's awesome.

But you know what?

It's remembering to play you're gonna do this anyway.

And you know, I, I.

Everyone has their own beliefs and their personal faith and their beliefs and I do know for sure that we have this period of time where on.

On the planet.

Right.

And whatever comes next, great.

If there's something more fantastic.

And I, you know, and I hope it's with her and my family but I do know I have some control over right now and in today's environment.

So it's what can I do today?

What can I tell my kids?

And one of the best things that you know, I, I saw this recently is you know, four or five times a day, even with colleagues, workers, family members, send them a quick little note, a text, no agenda attached.

So like a five by five, five days a week, five messages to some of your friends, reach out your business relationships, people in your network to your point and just say hey, just thinking about you.

I really appreciate the fact that you do this.

You've inspired me on this or I love that post you had on this, something to give that appreciation because it tends to spiral us up when we're showing gratitude and to your point, which then it kind of is a vibe that just exudes.

And most importantly, I think it's contagious, I. E. The stories that we, you know, we've talked about.

No, so, so great insights.

What's next for you?

You're working on the book.

You've got.

I know you got lots of different businesses for you.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

I haven't figured out what I want to be.

I just know I'm not going to retire.

My wife asked me that and I'm like, I don't understand.

I don't understand that word.

What are you talking about?

We'll just do.

We'll just do more.

You know, I've been retired since I started working for myself, for the most part.

Yeah, exactly.

But for me, it's continuing to kind of get the message out about the book.

We have a new coaching program called the Husband She Wants, which we coach men.

So it's about becoming the.

Becoming the man that she wants, which is, you know, safety, security, passion, all of the things that she wants from a husband, like, how do we help you be that?

And so that's a.

That's a big thing for us.

And then just continuing to try to be the best husband, father, and, you know, community person that I can honestly.

Well, it's constant work, right?

It's constant work and it's setting those priorities and it's making those times and building them into your systems and building systems to support.

You do figure it out eventually, but it's, hey, why not figure it out now?

And with the partner that you made that commitment to.

Kevin, this was great.

Kevin Davis, the book is called and the website is maxed out.

Lifebook.com.

We'll have everything in the show notes.

Thanks for your insights.

So much.

We can relate to and make us better human beings and better couples and better marriages.

So appreciate the work that you're doing.

Thanks for being our guest today, Kevin.

Thank you so much.

This was amazing.

I appreciate it.

It.

As you are listening to this episode, what is one idea that you've heard that's caught your attention and why does it matter so much to you and who is one person who you can share that with, either sharing this episode or just sharing that insight that occurred to you while you were listening?

Perhaps it is to shift your mindset from keeping score in your relationships to adopting a servant.

Heart and focusing on how you can contribute to others.

Or maybe it is building a lasting health routine that doesn't require an overnight overhaul.

It starts with small, consistent habits that compound over time.

Thank you for listening, for learning, and for investing in yourself so that you can become the best version of you.

If you found value in this episode, please write a review on Apple Podcasts.

If you haven't subscribed yet, please do so so you can get a new episode and start your week off right every Monday.

Until next time.

This podcast is created and associated with Summit Media.

My Executive producer is Beth Smith and Director of Research, Tori Smith.

The fee for the show is that you share it with friends when you find something useful or interesting.

This podcast is subject to copyright by Summit Media.

Goodbye.