Thomas Passalacqua - Overcoming the "Silent Killers": Doubt, Fear, and the Imposter Trap

In 3, 2, 1.

Welcome back to Becoming Preferred, the podcast dedicated to the high level strategies that transform professionals and level up performance.

Today we are exploring a truth that.

Every professional eventually hits.

Success isn't just about what you do.

It's about the clarity with which you lead.

Many leaders reach a plateau not because they lack resources, but because they are navigating through the fog of doubt, rapid growth or shifting industries.

Joining us is someone who has mastered the art of the pivot and the science of leadership.

Thomas Pasilacqua is a certified executive coach and the founder of Ascend Professional Pathways.

From his early days as the founding teacher in New York City to driving high stakes mergers and acquisitions in executive coaching, Thomas has seen firsthand how the right mindset can turn a good professional.

Into an elite leader.

In this episode, we're going to help you identify your own blind spots over overcome the silent fears that stall growth.

And learn how to align your daily.

Decisions with your highest professional goals.

Join me now for my conversation with Thomas Passilacqua.

Well, hi Thomas.

Welcome to the program.

We're delighted to have you.

Thanks Michael.

Great to be here.

Now, where are we speaking to you from today, Thomas?

Oh, I'm in New York.

Home.

Good old New York.

Are you right in the city?

Right outside the city on Long island, so a little east of Manhattan.

Well, we're delighted to have you.

Well, I'm really excited about this topic.

I had a chance to look through some of your videos and visit your website, which is very rich, very generous with the resource material and things that you provide for your clients and people who are interested in your services.

But we're here to talk about coaching.

We're here to talk about how to realign ourselves, how to set our goals.

What are the things which are the obstacles that are hindering us and stop us from achieving what we need to achieve.

And so I appreciate you sharing some of your insights with our audience on what they can do to become preferred in their markets and but also achieve their goals and dreams as well and become the best versions of themselves.

So I really love that quote from some of your talks.

Before we get started though, let's do a little backstory.

So you're back in education, you were, you're a teacher and let's start there.

Or maybe you're back in high school and you got, hey, what am I going to be when I grow up?

Let's start there.

And how did you get to where you're at?

Yeah, no, I appreciate that question.

So, yeah, the first, the first Real moment where I kind of figured out what I wanted to do was back in high school and it was through athletics that I often found myself helping fellow athletes.

I was often asked advice, how do I get faster, stronger, how do I, you know, get better at my sport?

And I found myself being relevant to my fellow classmates and seeing them take my advice, doing what I suggested for them to do, and them coming back saying, yeah, it worked, or them excited to get better, that really connected with me.

That really resonated with how I enjoyed helping people.

So I said, well, I want to pursue this, I want to pursue helping people, but what does that even mean for me?

And it just kind of fell into the education world.

So I, out of high school, I wanted to be a teacher, I wanted to help people directly.

So I went for education and got my master's in ed and taught for many years throughout New York City.

So that was kind of the starting point of me wanting to work directly with individuals on the sense of I can help them.

Well, you must have been good at the sports for them to ask for advice.

I would have been one of those guys asking you, so what was your sport?

What were you?

Probably all of them, actually it was baseball.

But what really allowed me to stand out was fitness.

And I got into lifting weights fairly young, even before high school.

And my parents were fitness enthusiasts.

We had weight room in my house.

I found myself lifting weights and being in the gym quite a bit when I was younger and that allowed me to stand out a little bit.

All the football players were like, you know, what is Tom doing?

That we got to do?

And really it was just a disciplined routine, eating very well, lifting very specifically.

And that allowed me to stand out and for people to value the advice I would give.

Well, it's interesting that, and I think that weaves into a little bit of what we'll talk about today as well, because I think fitness is part of it, as is part of an overall plan for achieving our objectives.

And we'll talk about that because I think that's important.

There's an interesting correlation that I see in looking through the things you talk about, things you write about, where as a teacher you designed curriculum for the school systems.

And we're as far as that in the New York area, which is you're looking, what's the curriculum?

How do we design curriculum?

And really what I think you're doing now in the coaching is designing a curriculum or a pathway.

Alright?

Like we have a path for education.

Like when I went to school, you were either good at math and science, or you went the vocational route.

Like back in my day, it was one of the other.

They had all these tests, and if you're really good at this, you went this way, and you're gonna be an engineer, a lawyer, you could go be anything.

But if you weren't, they kind of pointed you in a different direction, even though the learning style might have been different.

But at the end of the day, there's a curriculum, there's a path that you have to follow to do that.

Is that where you first got the concept of that, with that curriculum?

Designing personal curriculums for people?

It was really.

I taught every student in the school.

I was a special area teacher.

So I had to engage every personality, every learning style from every student in the building, because I saw everybody.

So I had to approach curriculum design in a way that was engaging for all different learning styles, all different personalities, all different interests, and.

And getting everyone to be engaged at the same time.

So it was really trying to be as engaging and relevant to all these different individuals as a collective.

So I did that with the approach of, well, how do I make it interesting to everyone?

But also having them go in the same direction.

And the curriculum allowed a little bit of flexibility based on skills, interest, experience, passion, levels of whatever activity we were doing, a learning activity we were doing.

So there was flexibility built into the system, but it also allowed structure for everyone to behave in a certain way and to go in the direction that the entire group can go.

How does that structure work today when you work on a one to one basis?

Because when you meet with them, you don't just work on methodologies or processes or techniques.

It's really about clarity, isn't it?

And what is that pathway?

What is the curriculum for me in order to get from where I am today and where I want to be tomorrow?

Yeah, yeah.

And the pathway reference really is a nod to the individual coach because there are multiple directions, multiple paths that someone can take to get to the outcome they want.

And my role as the coach is really identifying what is the outcome that my client or the individual I'm working with, where do they want to go?

And the unclarity that they have is they don't know how to get there.

There's something in the way, there's mental blocks in the way, there's attitudes, beliefs, there's years of preconceived thoughts that are clouding someone's vision to get to where they want to go.

They understand.

I have this desire to improve myself professionally I don't know how to get there or I don't know why I'm constantly running into this roadblock.

And my job as developing the program is a very customized program based on their needs, their skills, their interests, their unique abilities, at the same time identifying what's really in the way for them.

And a lot of times it's the limiting beliefs, the doubts, the fear and the uncertainty that they can or they know how to achieve what they want to achieve.

So the coach is having that different perspective.

Yeah, we all have blind spots.

So it's nice.

All of us, even as coaches.

Right.

And speakers, we don't see everything.

So sometimes we need that feedback.

Why do we have those roadblocks in the first place?

You think?

Why do we have that poor programming?

And it's like when I think back to childhood, I had entrepreneurial parents, so everything was always positive, maybe even too positive and or brought that positivity into raising our own children, which sometimes we get an unrealistic expectation because they're so positive.

But I see a lot of professionals and executives and entrepreneurs that just don't have, I call it rudders on their boat.

They're going through the motions, they're busy, they're active.

Some are really successful, some are in spite of themselves, but they're overwhelmed.

They're struggling with hitting their goals, their objectives.

They're stretched too thin.

And I know you address all those issues.

Where does that, the programming come from?

Where does the negative program, where do we get that?

Because we start off, we're little children, positive, and all of a sudden we're taught this somehow in your mind, where does that come from?

From my experience and how I pay attention to others.

I mean, everyone has their own unique formation into adulthood, into the professional world, right?

Yeah.

You go from being a child to a student to a professional in a number of years.

And I think it just, it forms from some expectation of society, some expectation of yourself.

And then when we're young, you know, I'm sure we all remember moments of being embarrassed for the first time or socially awkward.

And those are really prime moments to imprint upon us expectations.

And then that becomes like the standard and you just operate from there.

And I don't spend so much time in my coaching programs.

I don't really spend a lot of time on the past.

And why?

Because there's a lot of different reasons why we behave the way we behave.

My main focus is, okay, what do we do moving forward?

My programs are very future driven, very action driven towards the goals that you want.

So I don't specialize in understanding why we are the way we are.

I'm trying to get to, well, how do we change?

But nonetheless, I do think that many people do operate for many, many years with this kind of baseline operating system.

And if we don't really need to change, or if we're not passionate enough to change or have that motivating driver or circumstance that forces us to change, we can remain status quo for a long time.

And that's where my program kind of challenges like, well, why are you operating the way you are?

Why are you making those decisions?

Why are you having those reactions?

Why are your emotions, why is that your default?

Yeah.

And then how do we break through that?

Yeah.

No, it's interesting how, like I say, the programming, when you start to work with people, do you see similar objectives or goals?

So as they set their goals and get clarity, they all over the map.

Are they.

Are there things that are you see that are consistent with people?

Like for me, for instance, it would be time if you said to me, what's your big objective?

Like for me now, the currency of time.

I have more time behind me than I do ahead of me.

Therefore, I want to maximize my time that's ahead of me.

Right.

The financial is not the big driver at this stage of life.

At one time it was, you know, so do you see goals and objectives?

So, like, for instance, if I engage with you, I'm going, help me find more time, quality time to do with those things.

It's not about, don't make me more money.

I want to spend more time with my family, enrich myself with those experiences.

And how can I create that environment?

What kinds of things do you see when you're working with executives or entrepreneurs or business professionals?

Yeah, it's funny, I think there's a variety of different goals and specific outcomes that those I work with want.

So I don't necessarily hone in on the goal.

The outcome that everyone I work with wants.

That's pretty, pretty varied.

Yeah.

What is consistent are the blocks, the challenges, the obstacles.

Those have the repetitive themes and the consistent themes that keep coming up.

What do you see, like, what kinds of things do you see for obstacles that are common?

The doubt, the self doubt kind of that.

Imposter syndrome.

That's definitely.

And people define imposter syndrome a variety of different ways, but that term people can relate to.

And it really is just some sense of doubt or uncertainty that they can do what they want to do.

And one thing I realized from myself and Working with others is that we are more capable than we believe we are.

Right.

And my goal, again, is trying to get what's in the way out of the way, because we generally have those resources and the skills and the abilities, but we cloud ourselves with distractions.

We cloud ourselves with these beliefs that we can't do something.

And that was my own experience.

I was my own worst enemy.

And I wouldn't be where I am today if I didn't.

Yeah.

If I didn't have a chance to get out of my own way.

And, yeah, my outcome was creating a business that aligned with my values.

But I work with people who want to get promoted in their companies.

I work with people who want to launch their own business.

I work with people who want to gain clients of their own.

So I work with a variety of different individuals and professionals on different goals.

But generally, the themes between them, all of the challenges are very consistent.

That's interesting.

Yeah.

There's a common baseline I think, that they all have in common.

And like I say, I think it changes.

It evolves with our seasons as we get older and what's important to us.

Right.

So early in our careers, we want all the trappings of success, what we deem as success.

You know, like my dad always used to say, you get first half of your life, Michael.

You're going to accumulate second half of your life.

You want to get rid of it all.

And it's unleashing and.

And it's decluttering.

Right?

It's decluttering.

So one of the challenges that a lot of entrepreneurs have is what goals should I be setting?

What are the obstacles again, in the way that are getting me there and keeping that motivation up?

How important are values and identifying our values at the start of this whole process?

So that why are we doing this?

Yeah, the why behind it all is important.

And to define kind of what we were talking about before, the driving why, like the reasoning behind the motivation behind it.

Because once you're on a journey and you have this goal that you want to achieve or you have the outcome you want to get to, you're going to face resistance.

It's just natural.

Right.

You're trying to manifest something that you haven't done before or that has didn't exist before, there's going to be resistance.

So you need to build in that drive behind you, the purpose behind you, the reasoning, you're doing it, and that's what you default back to when you do meet that resistance, when things get tough or you're grinding it out day to day and you're in the nuances and you're living it minute by minute, not on a broader spectrum.

When you're driving it every day, you're going to need something to come back to to say, well, this will be worth it because of whatever my passion is.

So, yeah, identifying the purpose behind your ambition is key.

Well, I think that's what helps you get out of bed in the morning when you're focused on that and you.

Sometimes we need external motivation to do that.

It's like, you know, maybe you went to the doctor and your blood pressure is too high or you're borderline diabetic.

And that's the impetus, that's the catalyst that goes, hey, I want something different.

And because life is overwhelming, there's so much coming at us all the time.

From an education point of view, I heard that, like in one hour of a day, we learn more information has passed through to us than people that over 100 years ago in their entire lifetime and just because we didn't have the media and now you're bombarded with things.

As far as overwhelm goes or getting focused, is there a process to clearing out the clutter?

Yeah, it's funny that you just kind of mentioned that with information, definitely.

Because we have more access to more information than we've ever had.

And I think it's changing probably by the week at this point in the world right now.

And depending where you are in the world and what you have access to, I feel that more information, yes, it's great and all, but it definitely overwhelms us to where you do get that paralysis because there's just so many directions you can go.

If you have a question, you can most likely find the answer to it in this day and age.

And it's easier to find the answer where, you know, with just all the prompts and the AI and everything.

But at the same time, that keeps us stuck because we feel that all we need to do is find the answer and then we'll be where we want to be.

But knowing the information doesn't mean we implement the information or we don't create the action to execute.

Right.

So what I have found is action.

And just any action to get you forward momentum is more important and more relevant than knowing the action or knowing the path or knowing that bit of information.

Because I can have every aspect of running a business, it doesn't mean I have a viable business.

You have to execute, you have to implement.

You have to get other people on board you have to create the systems.

You have to create that business machine.

But just knowing doesn't necessarily empower me.

It's part of it.

But how do you implement?

And I feel like the scale is tilted in a way where we feel like we just need more information because we have access to information, because it's easy to get that information, and that starts skewing our perspective.

Yeah, it's interesting.

And there's lots of perspectives.

Well, it's like you say, it's knowing what we should be doing.

And to know what to do but not do it is to not know it, in my opinion.

So you got.

You learn by doing right.

And talk about unique ability used an interesting couple of words there, that people.

I believe personally that everyone has a unique ability.

And it's hard for them to find that.

It's very difficult.

That's why you need somebody external to ask all the hard questions to uncover the unique ability.

Do you really believe that people have unique ability?

And what's the process we can use to find our.

What's unique for us, that we can do that makes us unique, distinctive, rare, precious.

How would you approach it?

Yeah, I definitely do think everyone is unique in their own way.

And that's something that we should amplify.

That's something that should allow us to stand out.

Yes, you could be a part of a group or part of a system, but you can still be a unique individual.

You could still be your own person.

And one thing that empowered me was feeling like I didn't have to just conform to society's norms or to whatever the expectation of someone else.

I wanted to follow my own expectation and blaze my own path.

And you find that didn't just hold you back, that was your superpower that allowed you to stand out and to be of value to others.

I feel like, yes, identifying someone's unique attributes to allow them to live an authentic life and to align to their values what's important to you, you can showcase that and be successful.

You don't have to feel hindered or afraid or shy to truly be who you are.

And if you are in that situation, well, then, then you're not aligned in your goals or in your ambitions.

And if you feel like you have to behave a certain way or make decisions a certain way or have certain outcomes, then you're living someone else's agenda.

And that's one thing that for me to be able to break through, and I think a lot of other professionals I work with in order to break through was someone else dictated your operation system.

Someone else dictated the expectation and you're living someone else's plan.

Right?

That never sat well with me.

I wanted to live a plan that was again, aligned with my values of helping people.

So I had to build that on my own.

And that's what I also empower my clients to do.

It's like you have to be authentic, go back to that why and, and live that authentic life in order to reach the goal.

Because I think hit those ceilings if you're not truly aligned and resonating with what's truly important as a unique individual.

Well said.

I think we have to develop our own, I call it our own personal constitution, which also has amendments.

So I have my personal concept which my founding adulthood, if you will.

I created what I liked, what I didn't like.

Figure out, hey, this is for me.

This isn't for me.

What can I say yes to and what to say no to?

And I said yes to a lot of things and I sometimes still do.

So it's chasing those shiny objects like we're always looking for that next coming thing.

So I go back to the constitution as this part of the overall plan and if it requires an amendment, then we get an amendment.

It's easy to make that amendment work and fit into the Constitution because it's, you know, my wife and I, so we can usually make that fit.

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And now back to my conversation with Thomas Passilacqua.

I want to talk about overcoming the silent killers you talked about it.

Doubt and fear.

So you mentioned that you help your clients overcome doubts and fears.

For a successful entrepreneur, business professional, who seems to have it all together on the outside, what do those internal fears usually look like and how do they stall growth?

Yeah, that's a big one.

That's one that, that comes up quite often.

And the one I feel most relatable, that I can help with, I would say pay attention to the first emotion you feel whenever you have an ambitious idea.

If your default is an excuse, then that's a red flag to know that you're operating from a doubt or a state of fear.

And that at least gives you a pulse on how you are leading yourself.

But the doubt, if you have your goal, that outcome or that ambition that you strive for, and then you're thinking, well, I don't know how to do that, or I'm not sure, I've never done this before.

And you start kind of creating a list of reasons why you shouldn't or couldn't pursue something that's kind of red flag number one, the fear.

You could feel confident that you can do it, but you're afraid you're going to fail.

And if you're defaulting to the negative outcome, well, then you're putting your energy into those potential pathways and you're most likely to find a solution to fail.

It's not so much being optimistic as being realistic and being more solution and growth oriented.

And yes, there's going to be challenges, but there generally is a way to produce the outcome you want.

As long as you're focusing on the positive outcomes, what can go, well, let me put my energy into those decisions, those actions, those outcomes, and then you tilt the scale in that favor.

But yeah, it generally is one of the more common things that come up is the operation from doubt or fear.

Yeah, well, and it's a matter of having the boldness.

Like I come up with ideas myself.

Personally, I think, you know, I should try this, I should do this.

And whenever I've taken that leap, cross that chasm, if you will, it's always paid off fine.

Like it's, it always worked.

The worst thing that possibly happened, you know.

Well, I think the worst thing that happened is we get embarrassable.

Big deal.

I've been embarrassed many, many, many times.

I've looked foolish.

Many, many, many.

I've got a master's degree in foolishness and looking stupid and embarrassment.

Right.

So I think if you can overcome that and embrace that as, hey, that's just part of it, it happens and we all do it.

And it goes to the authenticity.

It doesn't have to be perfect.

People get that.

Right.

It's where we don't have those failures you talked about.

And you use the word manifest, which is interesting.

I see.

Generationally that seems to be the buzzword these days.

My, my daughters use it.

Hey, I manifested this in my world, you know, my day.

We call that envisioning.

Same, same story, right.

And the example I use are the bobsled and the luge guys during the Winter Olympics.

The cameras cut to them and just before they do their runs, they're visualizing the course.

They're actually going to the core.

They see that outcome in mind before.

And professionals do that, talk about the importance of envisioning or manifesting and is there a process that we can do for ourselves that's realistic without, you know, something that's wishful thinking?

Yeah, yeah.

No, the vision work is huge.

And that's something I have experience with as well and something I work with my clients as well.

So the vision work allows you to really, really home in on that outcome.

What do you want to achieve?

And every decision, every action, every emotion along the way supports that ultimate vision.

And even if again, it comes back to that action and that information, even if it's not completely directly related to the outcome, you'll find a way through.

It's just navigating the day to day choices, the day to day operations in order to produce that outcome.

And every thought, emotion and action will be in support of where you want to go.

And the vision work skews your perception to that outcome and it puts on blinders to anything else that's not directly related.

It's.

It's like how horses have those blinders on, right?

Like they're focused on the course, the end goal.

And you're more immune to distractions.

You're more immune to things taking you off course.

So once you get really focused and do that vision work, the outcome is more likely to happen because everything is in support of that.

Makes sense.

Let's talk about alignment.

You call it the secret to strategic decisions.

You emphasize making decisions that are aligned with our goals.

How can a busy professional tell the difference between a.

Or entrepreneur or leader, a shiny new opportunity and a truly aligned strategic move?

Yeah, that's a great question.

Right?

Like how do you know that this opportunity over here is not going to be directly related to where you're currently going?

Right.

Like a filter of purpose, like how to do that?

Yeah, yeah.

It's probably analyzing it and understanding, is this going to complement where I want to go right now?

Is this in support of my current ambition or my current goal, or is this an opportunity for me to reconsider where I'm going or reconsider my choices?

And I think you can kind of analyze it, but until you make those decisions and start to experience it, you're not really going to know.

So it's.

Is this the time to maybe pivot?

Well, if so, what are the parameters that you're doing that under?

How do you know this is going to take you to the course that you want to go to?

Or is this going to take you to a different outcome?

And as long as you're intentional and you're paying attention to the results, you'll know if you're going to hit your goal or is it taking you to another outcome?

So it's being intentional, it's understanding, well, what are the parameters around this decision?

How much time are you giving to it?

What are the metrics?

What are the benchmarks that you're assessing?

If this is a positive decision outcome or one that's taking you off course?

And if it is, is this a time that you want to do it?

And if it's not the time, then maybe tabling it for another time.

So it's being intentional, tracking, measuring and trying to control as many variables as possible during that phase of maybe I'm changing directions and it's okay to change directions, but you have to be intentional on coming back to it if you need to.

It's just being intentional and tracking everything that you need to.

Well, I think that's why your mission, or as you would call it, maybe your ascend pathway and am I incongruent?

Am I aligned to the pathway that I've set for myself or, or my constitution or my operating system or my.

They're all great words, right?

Which I think make it fit.

Let's talk about clarity and getting clarity, but also clarity as a competitive advantage.

So it's a cornerstone of your platform, gaining clarity.

Why is a leader with 100% clarity more dangerous and accompanied to their competition than a leader with 100% more resources, but only 50% clarity?

It goes back to that vision, that alignment, that determination, that understanding that you will produce that outcome regardless of any other variables that may or may not be in your control?

So the clarity part really motivates someone because now you know what you're trying to accomplish.

Now you know how to accomplish it, and there's less things to stop you doing that.

There's less distractions that will get in the way.

There's less aspects or variables to pull you off course.

And once you're clear, you operate at another engagement level because you're not spending time and energy figuring things out anymore.

Now, you understand, here's exactly how I have to do it.

You just have to manipulate time or manipulate other resources that you can control or can't control.

But at least it narrows in on the variables that you're dealing with.

Yeah, focuses.

Let's talk about transitioning.

You know, when I grew up, I grew up.

I was a child of the 60s and school in the 70s and finished.

You chose a path.

And in my day, we used to say, well, you'd have about five to eight careers in your lifetime.

And I believe today that's much more than that.

I think the average person probably have a dozen different choices and you've had several, and you've transitioned.

You might call it leveling up instead of, you know, starting over.

So it's not a matter of, oh, that didn't work.

I'm now going to do this or do this.

Let's talk about the mindset that goes into that, because at the end of the day, we need mindset, we need our skill sets, and we need tool sets in order to make all those things work.

But talk about transitioning and getting the courage to transition.

When do you know it's time to transition?

Because you took a leap, you've recently taken a leap into Q1.

You're doing something different than you did in 2025.

As you know, we all remember the pandemic.

And as speakers, my career transitioned.

We had to level up and create online versions of what we do because we couldn't meet in person.

Right.

And we had to, and I call them pivots.

So transitions or pivots, what's your.

What's the process?

You've done this several times.

What do we need to have to transition successfully?

Yeah, great question.

And it's funny, in hindsight, it all makes sense, Right.

When you look back, it's, yeah, everything fell the way it perfectly did.

Right?

Yeah.

It might have been difficult, but you can then see the successful path when you're in it.

When you are transitioning or pivoting and when you're living it day to day and you have those emotions and you're feeling things start to shift.

That's when those emotions, the fear, the doubt, the uncertainty, that's when that starts clouding your vision because you're more susceptible to those distracting emotions.

But when you're looking back, it all complemented one another.

And you can find the through line when you're reflecting.

But when you're living it and you're on the precipice of that comfort zone and that ability and that capability, you don't know what the future holds.

You don't know if my choice today is going to have the complementing direction that you want it to go.

But the work I do to help others in these situations is being strategic, paying attention to those variables, making decisions that complement that vision that you have, and realizing that you have the resources, you have the skills, you feel that you don't.

But look at your past.

You've already proved to yourself that you can go from where you were to where you are now.

You just need to go from where you are, where you want to be and where you strive to be.

So uncover those roadblocks knowing that you already have the resources and generally you can find complementing skills to allow you to succeed at what you want to succeed at.

And that, that was true for me.

Where I went from education to sales to business development, to being a business owner.

I mean, there were complimenting skills through every chapter.

I couldn't see it at the moment, but looking back, I had all the resources.

I didn't have to acquire anything new.

I just had to peel out what was clouding my way.

No, it's, it's getting that clarity and knowing, hey, these are the skills.

And I think it's just line upon line.

We build, we're continuously building.

It's kind of like prompt stacking.

I remember most people use prompts as an advanced Google search, right?

But then you add a prompt to the prompt and add a prompt to that prompt to add a prompt and you start to build upon it.

So it's just like school.

And I say you learn the fundamentals, we learn to read and write, and then we continue the learning.

Let's talk about personal development just for a little bit, and the importance of neglecting self care and personal development.

What's your feel around the personal development and neglecting our own self care?

I think it comes down to comfort.

It comes down to kind of defaulting at a certain operating level and feeling like things are good enough, right?

And that middle ground of kind of mediocrity for me and for the people I work with is a very dangerous place because that allows you to tolerate a level of complacency that doesn't really push you high into the stratosphere of achievement.

But it also doesn't allow you to fail.

You just kind of coast.

And if that's your goal, if that's your intention and you're aware of that, then fine.

But if you have higher aspirations, but you never engage yourself in a way to level up, you're going to stay at that default baseline because that's what your comfort level is.

And it could be your comfort level in your health and behaviors and eating patterns and your exercise habits, but it could be comfort level in your business where things are just kind of moving along.

It's all well and good, but if you have higher aspirations, I believe there's only really two ways to get to a new level.

One is your pain kind of exceeds your tolerance for where you are.

And you just, you had enough.

And that was my experience.

I had to get myself into a new direction or there is an outside circumstance that forces your head, a tragedy or a pandemic if you will, something so grand that you have to transition or you have to pivot.

And if you don't have generally those two situations, you can coast.

And that's, you know, very stable but also very dangerous place to be because you do kind of endure for quite a bit of years.

Well, no, and well said.

I think I've always believed people don't change unless the pain is so great they have to, which you've outlined, or the pleasure so good they want to.

And the problem is we can have such a nice standard of life.

I think of your back in education.

I think of Maslow's hierarchy of needs, right.

And food and shelter as our base level.

That's what we strive for.

And then once we get that, we kind of move up a little bit.

We're on our journey towards self actualization.

Right.

We might be moving up the pyramid.

We've got security, we're getting recognition, we've got our self esteem.

Everything's going good.

But we can actually, I believe we can move up and down that pyramid.

So for instance, in 2019, I'm focused towards my self actual.

How do I make become the greatest version of myself?

And I know you believe that and help your clients get there.

And then all of a sudden we have this global pandemic which was a slap.

And man, everything canceled.

Our whole lives changed.

You know, in my world, stock market tank, 60%, all my speaking contracts, I went right back to level one for at least a week.

You know, okay, two weeks and sipping on some really good bourbon.

Well, actually probably guzzling it a little bit maybe.

No, but during that Time, it was a pivot time.

And it was like, okay, where this is the new reality.

Suck it up, buttercup.

What can I do here?

Right?

And change and I.

Once you learn how to pivot or evolve, then you can start moving back up again.

So I think practically we move up and down, we move up and down.

This just kind of an interesting thing there.

But we look at people and their, and their growth and what limits them and they get paralyzed.

And there's a quote by Warren Buffett is food always tastes best when you're hungry.

And I think, and I love that quote because it's true.

Remember when you start, it's like now you're going in a new direction, evolving.

And you're probably watching the pennies.

You're looking at this, you're going, how's this going to go?

How am I?

Balance?

You don't know.

You don't know how it's going to go.

But you do know you.

And you've been doing this for working business for what, I'm assuming, 20 years or so.

Yeah, it's my whole professional career.

Yeah, I would say a little shy of 20 years.

Yeah.

So what I would say to you is if you were a stock, and this goes to your point, like for a middle manager or a middle mid tier worker, somebody who's working or running their business, if you were a stock, you've got 20 years of track record as a stock, would you be a good investment or would you be an okay investment?

Are you a value investment?

Are you a unicorn?

Are you just a good solid utility?

All right, that just pays off dividend.

But to your point, and you said it, what evidence do you need other than your Last past year, 20 year track record?

And Apple makes new stuff today that they weren't making 20 years ago, that they've, they're transforming, they're evolving, they're into services.

Pick the most successful companies.

I think those are the models for all of us.

I really do.

So let's talk about salespeople.

I'd be remiss if we didn't bring them into the loop.

We have a lot of listeners who are professional salespeople.

The market's changing, it's evolving.

Back when I started, it was, I could come see you and you'd make that decision.

And today it seems more like consensus.

What's the state of the union in your mind, in the world of selling?

I see a dysfunctional selling process myself because I believe there's a dysfunctional buying process.

What's your take on it.

Yeah, I, for me, it was always going back to foundations, going back to what do you know that works?

Because again, in this day and age, there's more tools and resources and information that we feel like we have to be a part of.

And there's a skewed perception with that where, you know, if you're not jumping on this AI bandwagon, you're going to be obsolete in the next two days.

Right.

And yeah, obviously things are going a certain direction, but does that mean everything needs to shift in that direction?

What happens to reliability and trust and building a solid relationship with somebody?

Going back to those interpersonal skills, those actually stand out more now 100% than.

Yeah, they're foundational skills.

But when they're compared to where things are and where things are shifting, just being a well rounded, trusted, reliable professional, regardless of the product or service or brand you're representing, will allow you to stand out.

Do you answer your phone when someone calls?

Do you ghost people or not ghost like that?

That alone will allow you to stand out.

And I feel like that's what's missing.

And I like to say I work on the human side of business development or professional development because in a sense, people are still craving connection.

And yes, you can have all the automation and all the innovation in the world.

At the end of the day, you still want to just chat with somebody or talk to someone or have someone just be there for you.

And that trust, that reliability, you can't replace that and you can't outsource that.

And those are the skills that you have to almost double down on nowadays because that's almost what's lacking.

No, I agree.

I think EQ is the new mba.

And if you look at AI, what it can't do, it can't be empathetic, it can't take responsibility.

It can amplify your skill.

It gets rid of the mundane, the stuff that's brutal.

I can do reports, I can analyze data.

That's what it ought to do.

Right?

And am I going to lose my job to somebody to AI?

Probably not.

But I would lose my job to someone who knows how to employ AI because I think it's a great amplifier and it's a great, you know, our democratizes business because now I can do what 3M does or I can do what FedEx does.

And I have a team and we have agents and we have.

My business is more fun.

I wish I had this 20 years ago.

But to your point, it's.

That connection is why, you know, we have all these tools to connect and yet we fail to connect.

You know, I was a joke that boys today to meet girls swipe.

Right.

It's like in my day we had to go and risk it.

And that when you came on the Internet was just getting going, I think.

But, but.

And devices.

Right.

But that's where we're at.

And so the more you focus on those human skills, the H to h instead of B2B or B2C I think is huge.

I absolutely think that.

And so I think you've got a great program and I was delighted to see that you focus on that.

What are the things?

If somebody's feeling stuck right now, if they're feeling, you know, overwhelmed, if they're feeling scared, they're feeling frightened, they're, they're paralyzed.

All right, what's a good step that they can take?

We're going to put your website and information come there.

But do you offer a consult, an initial consult with clients?

Can they reach out to you and we'll give them the, the website and everything.

What would be a good next step and what should be their next step?

Yeah, I would say even before you reach out, just pay more attention to your reactions.

Every time you have that aspiration, that ambition you want to hit professionally and that could be within your business as an entrepreneur, it could be within a profess in a company if you have that ambition and when you think about it, your reaction is less than favorable reaction and you have that just internal tension.

Know that many people experience the same things and you have resources and you have the skills and capabilities already within you.

You just have to uncover what's blocking you.

So just pay more attention to how you're feeling about the future of your professional journey.

And I help allow you to manifest and envision that outcome to get you where you want to go and then you can reach out to us, Reach out to me.

My website, ascendprofathways.com has my email on there.

It has a message board on there.

I'm also really active on LinkedIn.

So reach out to me on LinkedIn and send me a message.

I'll respond to you there.

But I do offer a complimentary coaching session.

That's deep, one hour intensive session to allow you to think differently, envision what you want to achieve, figure what's in the way, how do you get there.

And we spend that time on finding solutions, finding strategies that are relevant to you.

Your unique attributes, your skills, your interests, your passions, your challenges.

And it's a very client centered process, so I would love to offer your listeners a complimentary session with me to just explore those solutions.

Well, if you're looking to gain clarity on how you can reach the next level in your business or career, reach out to tom@ascendpropathways.com Tom, this has been a real pleasure.

Thank you so much for sharing your insights with us.

Lots of good gems and value there and best of luck and in your new endeavors going into 2026.

Thanks Michael.

I appreciate it and I appreciate everything you're doing.

Thanks so much.

As you are listening to this episode, what is one idea that you've heard that's caught your attention and why does it matter so much to you and who is one person who you can share that with, either sharing this episode or just sharing that insight that occurred to you while you were listening?

Perhaps it is how clarity creates speed.

When you are clear, you don't waste time second guessing.

Or maybe it's the idea of looking for the gap in your client's world, truly slowing down to understand the distance between where they are and where they want to be so you can help them bridge it.

Thank you for listening, for learning, and for investing in yourself so that you can become the best version of you.

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Goodbye.